Live. Fall. Fracture.
When I started my time in orthopedic surgery as a nurse practitioner I never imagined that I would constantly be treading on the right rope of life and death.
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Live
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Fall
Fracture
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Many of us take falling for granted. We miss a step, trip and fall. Landing on the strength of our bones, fracturing our egos but dusting ourselves off to get up once more.
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Live
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Fall
Fracture
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I've spent almost a year on orthopedic surgery during a global pandemic. A place where we fix fracture, allowing us to begin the cycle once more. New life to fallen, tired bones.
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Metal plates, rods, screws.
Replacement, revision, renewed.
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Generally our service for parts works. Our shop is able to fix what's broken. What happens when it's beyond the physical entity that's falling apart?
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Decondonditioned human beings who are tapping into their reserves to march on through life.
Exhausted from waiting for essential surgeries. Worn from decades of forward motion.
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I never would have imagined we would be the last stop for so many. No one teaches you how to hold the hand of another while you watch life leave their bodies unexpectedly. Perhaps it's our expectations that keep our eyes shielded from the inevitable. The need to put the pieces back together like a puzzle in a book.
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But what happens when you receive the box half empty? You start to borrow from your own stores to see if the pieces fit. Giving with good intention but poor foresight. As clinicians we give with the expectation of solving. As humans, the solutions transcend the simplicity of a puzzle to solve.
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All I can do is carry the weight of your actualization and honor your dignity. Make your last moments, days, weeks as comfortable as possible. Our team will soften the hardness of not being able to see your family. We will ease the postoperative delirium and reduce your pain. We will continue to mobilize your tired bones to respect the years of motion. We will be the vessel between the specialty teams keeping your organs functional. We will open the curtain for light. We will feed you when lifting your hands feel too heavy. We will work all night and all day to make sure we are there with you.
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We will bear witness, quietly in the background.
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With exhausted hearts we go to rest our bones.
Working to refill our cups for another day.
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And the cycle begins once more
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Live
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Fall
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Fracture.
